Prostitutes, pills, & test prep

Hey everyone. Thanks for all your comments, insights, and for sharing your experience, strength, & hope. I can’t tell you how much it encourages my heart, and it is truly an honor to be connected with everyone here.

Just wanted to pop in to say for the next 5 weeks, I am going to be completely buried under a mountain of paperwork in preparation for the LMSW exam. I can’t believe my graduate school program is nearly over, and now the prospect of taking the licensure exam is freaking me out. Life is feeling really overwhelming, and today D and I sat down to discuss how edgy we both were feeling.

Even five years into recovery, the conversation still seems odd.

He verbalized his current struggle to not seek out a prostitute or same sex interaction, I was able to share my intimacy struggles and how I just want to check out completely and shut down sexually (except for self-service) and restrict eating and disappear back into a xanax haze. The honesty and lack of shame that was part of that conversation was wild to me. Granted, it’s easier to digest information on the front end and not after the fact, and we both have learned that these brutally honest and vulnerable conversations are part of our relationship self-care, but the whole thing still seems surreal. We’re both sober though, so that helps encourage me that we are doing something right (today).

Prostitutes, anorexia, masturbation, and meds is not what I would have chosen for a ‘sunday dinner topic,’ but I feel truly fortunate that at this point, we can both be fully present to the the reality of our scary coping strategies. What a wild ride this recovery journey has been.

In the meantime, I probably won’t be posting much until this exam is over, but I just wanted to say again how much I am blessed by everyone who has stopped by, commented, or contacted us. I continue to pray for all the hurting hearts out there, and would appreciate prayer for us as we head into a new adventure. I hope to report back with good news in a few weeks.

Until then…

B

 

 

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. helen
    Apr 16, 2013 @ 16:54:49

    does it ever worry you five years on he still struggles to be sober ?

    Reply

  2. dbiscuit
    Apr 16, 2013 @ 16:56:59

    absolutely. i don’t think there will ever be a time when i don’t worry about his sobriety. but i’ve learned to try and live with the one day at a time even though i’m a control freak and i want to be 100% sure that things will be ok.

    Reply

  3. helen
    Apr 16, 2013 @ 21:26:22

    I love this web site as I feel I can ask anything and not be criticized or insulted for trying to make my marriage work. I hope and pray we can recover but don’t really know what will happen to us. I have been fortunate so far as I have not had to deal with relapse and to be honest I don’t think I could , the trauma I experienced at disclosure destroyed me and I think he knows even though I have love for him this would be the end. i know they are scared from trauma in their lives and I have every sympathy but I am now in the same boat as him ( scared by trauma) and I don’t expect to have that trauma reinforced again and again. Love to all who’s been there.

    Reply

  4. becauseicouldntaffordtherapy
    Sep 25, 2013 @ 20:42:09

    Thank you so much for sharing on here. I am in the beginning stages of recovery for myself (going to my first Sanon meeting tonight), and my husband is in recovery for his sex addiction. It is comforting to know that other people are working so hard and going through the same thing. Its also scares the crap pit of me to know that after five years, it’s still such a Struggle for both of you day to day.
    My husband emailed me this blog last night and that’s how I found it, and I will certainly be back. Thanks again for putting it out there. You are really helping people! The only outlet outlet I’ve had so far has been my angry blog. So glad to see someone working on a healthy perspective that I can learn from

    Reply

    • dbiscuit
      Sep 25, 2013 @ 21:19:21

      Thank you so much for the feedback- welcome to the community! I never would have picked the sex addiction recovery movement to be my “tribe,” but i have met some of the most amazing women (and men) through this journey. I would also encourage you to read Stefanie Carnes’ book “Mending a Shattered Heart…” Hope your S-Anon meeting brings you sanity and comfort :)

      Reply

  5. livres pdf
    May 23, 2014 @ 07:21:39

    I comment each time I especially enjoy a article on a site or I have
    something to add to the conversation. Usually it’s a result of
    the fire displayed in the post I looked at. And on this post Prostitutes,
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    Reply

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