The best & the worst of times…

Hi everyone. Here’s a quick list of some of the best and the worst moments I’ve had in the past few years on this journey. I’ve been to the bottom and back up the ladder. God has done miracle no doubt in my marriage, and I am grateful to Him. I am fortunate that I had a husband who chose recovery, and also had the resources to seek the best help available. I do not take this for granted.

The worst:

  • Discovering via text message that my husband was having an affair with my (then) best friend
  • Coming home from a group meeting and discovering another woman in my bed
  • My husband telling me that he wanted to be a sex addict and no longer wanted to be married to me (on our anniversary)
  • Leaving my home, my job, and moving 1500 miles away to sort through the nuclear wreckage that had become my life
  • Almost getting fired because I had lost hours of time snooping on my husband’s activities
  • Calling one of the “other women” who told me that she intended to marry my husband and that they were “in love”

The best:

  • The moment when he realized he needed and wanted help and chose to go into residential treatment
  • Our 10 year anniversary when we got rid of our old bed (he had many affair partners in it) and bought a new one
  • The day we moved into a home and purchased furniture. The furniture represented stability- for the past 5 or so years I had to pick up and move out on very short notice, and thought I’d never be able to have a “normal” living environment
  • The day I realized that God loved me, my husband, and my marriage
  • The amazing women I have met on this journey
  • When I started looking at how I ended up in this relationship, I went on a journey of self-discovery that led to recovery from an eating disorder, ability to enjoy sex for the first time in my life, and a healthy relationship with my body
  • The day I realized that I once again cared to “be pretty” and put on makeup, take showers, and get dressed
  • The day that I realized I no longer thought daily about the searing pain that was ripping through my body
  • The moment I realized that I didn’t have to compulsively snoop on my husband
  • Typing out this list and realizing I can type “the worst moments of my marriage” without re-experiencing those moments in their horrendous entirety.

 

 

 

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. John Doe
    Oct 03, 2013 @ 02:10:24

    You women are the perfect example of why 71 percent of men between the ages of 18 to 34 are no longer interested in marriage. After all, why should they waste time getting married when their bitch wife (like you) will just divorce him for childish reasons and then turn around and ass rape him in divorce court and take all his money?

    http://www.pewresearch.org/daily-number/young-men-and-women-differ-on-the-importance-of-a-successful-marriage/

    I hope you ladies have fun growing old alone with your 10 cats. You daughters as well, since the younger men have no interest in marriage anymore, you and your daughters will be growing old alone with your cats. As for myself, I’ll be living it up in Thailand and banging tons of hot young Asian women (over 18, of course).

    Thank you ladies for liberating us men from your tyranny and becoming independent. Feminism was the greatest thing to ever happen to men. Feminism liberated MEN from being slaves to their ungrateful bitch wives.

    God bless you.

    Reply

    • dbiscuit
      Oct 03, 2013 @ 19:34:42

      Thanks for your comment- though I’m curious how/why you ended up on this site? I hope you find peace and happiness in Thailand. God bless.

      Reply

  2. Mike
    Oct 06, 2013 @ 15:32:40

    Well done for getting to where you are today.
    I’m just one year into a same sex relationship with my partner. He has sex , alcohol and tobacco addictions and is very irritable and difficult to be with at times. At times he blames me for all his problems and is cruel to me.
    I’m only now pulling back and realising I’m not responsible for his behaviour. He’s getting help but only very slowly.

    Reply

  3. Gary
    Nov 19, 2013 @ 15:33:42

    Very brave writing – Bit unsure about the comment at the top from John Doe? Clearly a stable man.
    This post shows courage, strength and hope to others! Keep up the good work!

    Reply

  4. Gary
    Nov 19, 2013 @ 15:34:17

    Also why on earth did you moderate his comment?

    Reply

  5. behindsexaddiction
    Dec 04, 2013 @ 02:05:27

    This was a pleasure to read. Sometimes as addicts, we forget how we are hurting the people around us, and your blog is a huge show of strengths on your part. Best of luck on your journey!

    Reply

  6. Marie
    Dec 06, 2013 @ 02:56:05

    I wish I could say the same. I learned two years into my marriage that my husband had been having sex with men. We went through individual, couples counseling, a men’s group for him and a grief group for him. We renewed our vows, moved to a new house and had another baby and 6 years after that another baby. I found out he went right back to it after maybe a year or so after our renewal. Makes me wonder what it was all for. I’ll never regret our three sweet kids who should never have to suffer.

    Reply

  7. Isa
    Dec 21, 2013 @ 06:14:54

    Glad to read this as I feel I’m going crazy. My husband is a sex addict and have decided to get a divorce – because he wants to be free and yes, be without control so he can have sex with many and be angry and live his life alone. We have a beautiful son not even 3 months old and I consider myself as both intelligent and classy. I first discovered one of my husbands affairs few hours after coming home with the newborn from the hospital; going from peaceful and in love with the family to devastated. The lover sent me a long, nasty transcription of their skypeaffairs with his naked picture: if she couldn’t have him then I shouldn’t neither. He moved out and the trauma was so giant. Few days after he came clean about his addiction, we tried again but he couldn’t handle my anger and endless questionings about “WHY your ex girlfriend?! If it’s JUST about sex??!!” I discovered he looked up people from his past, ex’es, lovers, ex wives, strangers… Men, women, shemales… He says he never been with a man and that he never was physical with the women after we got married, “just” chatting. He is now considering long term treatment but I’m not sure I can continue because my mistrust eats me up inside. Why be so miserable everyday? I feel I’ll get cancer if I continue. I want him to say that he loves me, he say he do has feelings for me but that he can’t love because of the anger… Also that kills me.

    Reply

  8. Jeff
    Jan 04, 2014 @ 23:31:07

    John,
    What a sad commentary as to where the addicted mind can carry a person. I believe in being transparent so I’ll be honest with you John. I think you’re a bit mixed up on some things. First, only cowards hide behind the alias John Doe. Second, don’t pretend to know God and then spew hate. Third, your resentment and inability to express your true emotions (hurt, fear, grief, etc..) have crippled you. It’s turned you into a person that only experiences loss and now attempts to take from others in order to fill yourself up again. Your lack of empathy and compassion suggests you’ve been hurt and the simple truth about people that have been hurt is that they hurt others. John, addicts live in extremes using phrases like “you always” and “you never” they are controlled by faulty core beliefs derived from abuse, a dysfunctional family of origin, and a shame base. Your remarks have exposed you as someone who is firmly entrenched in his addiction that cannot see the consequences of his actions, only the world being unfair once again. I hope you figure out soon that you can’t heal by changing your environment. It’s my hope that you find your bottom and get into recovery. Until then, if you want someone to take out your frustrations on try me jeff@caribouminitries.com.

    Reply

  9. bRAVEWOMAN
    Feb 14, 2014 @ 00:54:07

    God bless please read my blog looking forward to read more stories Lovelyme89.Bravewoman.weebly

    Reply

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