Why I Stay
One of the most frequent questions I’m asked as the wife of a sex addict is “Why do you stay?”
I tried to google reasons why women stay, and all I could find (in addition to hundreds of posts on “How to Divorce Him,” “How to Kick Him to the Curb,” and “Moving on with your Life”) were articles how desperately sick and unhealthy women are who simply will not divorce their sex addict husbands-
So …..why do I stay?
It’s interesting that the question is always phrased as a WHY and not a HOW. I truly believe that armed with the proper information and the willingness to take action, it’s just as powerful to know HOW to stay in a marriage with a sex addict than WHY. I’ll save the “how” for other parts of this blog though, and stick to the question at hand.
DISCLAIMER: I am not in any way shape or form advocating LIVING in a home or interacting verbally, sexually, or physically with an addict who is PHYSICALLY abusive or SEXUALLY exposing you to harm. I have separated from my husband several times. If the situation is unsafe, LEAVE.
This is my story. This is my reality, my reasoning, my relationship with God. This is not to imply that I am better or worse than anyone, or that the decision to stay or leave the relationship is black & white.
What I am suggesting based on my experience is giving prayerful consideration to keeping those divorce papers unsigned, focusing on yourself, and praying for your partner. Staying with an addict does NOT mean living with or putting up with insane behaviors/abuse.
Your story and your relationship with Higher Power belong to you. This one is mine. It is a story of choosing to trudge- limp- & crawl through the mess and to never give up.
Here’s why I stay:
21 REASON WHY I STAY MARRIED TO A SEX ADDICT
- I have faith that God is always at work in my life, and is faithful to heal and restore
- If I married an addict there’s a reason why. If I leave I don’t get to discover why.
- If I don’t discover what brought me to love an addict, I am going to repeat the cycle over and over again
- If I am going to do the hard work of recovery, I want to do it with the person that I walked through hell with
- I do not think there is any situation too grave to be healed or any heart to broken to be restored
- I get to learn how to love unconditionally and practice the art of forgiveness daily
- Being married to an addict forces me to turn to a higher power and not to another person to tell me I am ok
- Staying married to an addict turns the volume down on the buzz and static of life and amplifies that simple joys that truly matter
- I get to be a witness to miracles every single day
- I get to halt the destructive cycle of addiction and codependency and not pass the trait on to my children
- I get to learn what true intimacy is (and is not) and how to apply the principles to all of my relationships
- I have been brought to an amazing circle of strong, intelligent, and beautiful women who are committed to standing and fighting for themselves and their relationships
- Marriage is not about a journey towards happiness it is about a journey towards holiness (this one is a bitch but it’s true)
- Staying married to an addict forces me to work a recovery program that ultimately spills into ALL areas of my life (which is a good thing)
- I get to live out the promises of faith in a higher power, and show all the people who quote the Bible and tell me I have “grounds to leave” that recovery is possible
- Divorce causes untold amounts of pain and suffering that does not cease once the papers are signed. Sex addiction brings enough pain of it’s own. Whether I stay or whether I go, I still will have a mountain of pain to walk through. I’d prefer to walk through one hell, and not two.
- I stay married because I never learned what it really means to be in a relationship based on intimacy, and not just on sexuality
- I stay married because if I leave, I can pretend that my cycle of love addiction and co-dependency does not exist. If it does not exist to me, then I can never heal.
- I stay married because I’ve seen the program work
- I stay married because it is possible to recover together
- I stay married because I can. I own my life choices, I apologize to no one, and I choose to love and stay married to my sex addict husband. I am not desperate, needy, or weak, but a strong and confident woman who CHOOSES life in my marriage and not death. In the absence of popular support or understanding, I stand with my sex addict husband and will never give up.
- ‘I’m a Recovering Love Addict’ (lifescript.com)