As a raging love-aholic, if a dyson vacuum cleaner gave me a sweet smile and some attention, i’d probably become hopelessly attached to it. Nevermind what happens when that dyson vacuum cleaner sprouts arms, legs, and a face.
One of the joys of being married to a sex addict is that i have the opportunity to meet my needs and the needs of my inner children in a grownup, healthy way, since a sex addict (or any other human for that matter) is not capable of filling the gaping hole in my soul that only God can fill.
Well, that’s the theory.
Sometimes it’s easier to attach to the next best thing. Which isn’t always healthy. Or helpful. Or best for me. I’m proud of myself this time around for not getting mixed up in an emotional or physical affair. Been there done that. Grateful I do not have to confess that I fell into that trap, because I didn’t.
I did find myself in a very emotionally dependent friendship with an extraordinarily unhealthy person. And I loved every second of it. The brain chemicals that produce happiness and euphoria would spike every time a text came through. Getting on the spinning record of repetitively going over past conversations over and over….and over…and over…and over.
So after 5 years of recovery, instead of letting this get totally out of hand, i chose to end the friendship before the friendship ended me. It was a very peaceful ending (probably because i never crossed any physical or emotional boundaries. The problem with this relationship existed solely in my broken brain and the way i chose to obsess and process through it). It was a very adult, non-dramatic, wish-each-other-the-best type of ending. I’m sure our paths will cross from time to time, and i’ll be there with a smile and a wave- but that’s all.
So healthy decision- check.
Investment in my well-being and the health of my marriage- check.
A raging tidal wave of feelings including shame, fear, sadness, grief, and loneliness that have now come roaring over me with the loss of this friendship- check.