Hey everyone. Thanks for all your comments, insights, and for sharing your experience, strength, & hope. I can’t tell you how much it encourages my heart, and it is truly an honor to be connected with everyone here.
Just wanted to pop in to say for the next 5 weeks, I am going to be completely buried under a mountain of paperwork in preparation for the LMSW exam. I can’t believe my graduate school program is nearly over, and now the prospect of taking the licensure exam is freaking me out. Life is feeling really overwhelming, and today D and I sat down to discuss how edgy we both were feeling.
Even five years into recovery, the conversation still seems odd.
He verbalized his current struggle to not seek out a prostitute or same sex interaction, I was able to share my intimacy struggles and how I just want to check out completely and shut down sexually (except for self-service) and restrict eating and disappear back into a xanax haze. The honesty and lack of shame that was part of that conversation was wild to me. Granted, it’s easier to digest information on the front end and not after the fact, and we both have learned that these brutally honest and vulnerable conversations are part of our relationship self-care, but the whole thing still seems surreal. We’re both sober though, so that helps encourage me that we are doing something right (today).
Prostitutes, anorexia, masturbation, and meds is not what I would have chosen for a ‘sunday dinner topic,’ but I feel truly fortunate that at this point, we can both be fully present to the the reality of our scary coping strategies. What a wild ride this recovery journey has been.
In the meantime, I probably won’t be posting much until this exam is over, but I just wanted to say again how much I am blessed by everyone who has stopped by, commented, or contacted us. I continue to pray for all the hurting hearts out there, and would appreciate prayer for us as we head into a new adventure. I hope to report back with good news in a few weeks.