Hey everyone! It’s been a CRAZY few weeks running around getting the new office ready (yay!). Thanks to everyone for posting questions and sharing their experiences. It’s such an amazing feeling to know we are not crazy and not alone!
I wanted to throw out a quick post for today – One of the Alice in Wonderland characters (i think it was the white queen?) said something to the effect of, “I try to do 6 impossible things before breakfast.”
It’s past lunchtime now, but here’s a list of 6 things that are currently part of my life. If you had asked me 5 years ago, I would have said all of these things were totally, utterly, undeniably impossible. With God and a LOT of hard work, all things are possible.
1. I have sex with my husband without picturing all the people he’s been with.
2. I enjoy sex. It’s still complicated, and there are times when it doesn’t work. But there are other times when it does. And when it works, it works well.
3. I do not snoop. I want to. I am still compelled to. But i do not look at my husband’s phone, computer, or receipts. The compulsion is not as strong as it used to be.
4. I have girlfriends. After discovering that my husband had sex with several of my good friends, I swore off having girl friends or having anything to do with women. I have good friends now that I enjoy. I still do not feel comfortable being around my girlfriends and my husband at the same time, but I can say that I have a group of women that I enjoy spending time with.
5. I eat what I want when I want to without bingeing or restricting. Part of my shutting down with the sex addiction was controlling what went in my mouth. I alternated between overeating and restricting. In a world where i had NO control over my SA, I coped by developing a variety of eating disorders- binge eating disorder in the beginning prior to the sexual disclosures, and then anorexia after. I haven’t stepped on a scale in nearly 5 years now, at the doctor’s office i stand on the scale backwards, and i can eat pretty much anything without a constant ticker tape of calorie counts going through my head. You will never hear me use the words “I’m being bad” or “I’m being good” when it comes to food.
6. A brand new, fully functioning, non-exploding or overheating vehicle. Somehow, despite the thousands of dollars of debt with counseling, rehab, moving, losing jobs, crossing states, and doing school, we have been blessed with a new 2013 Nissan Juke. Having NEVER had a car that i could guarantee would turn on when the key was inserted, this is a big deal to me. Even though it doesn’t exactly have anything to do directly with sex addiction, neglecting myself, my body, AND my finances have been collateral damage from dealing with the addiction. Recovery has also meant financial recovery. And it is a huge blessing. Just wanted to share.